Video: just when you thought ‘Change UK’ couldn’t get any worse…

Ryan manages to surpass – or underpass? – even Umunna and Allen

Politics-watchers could easily be forgiven for thinking that the vacuousness of the TIG-turned-Change-UK party was so complete that it couldn’t get any worse. In fact, it would be entirely reasonable to assume that the only thing that could beat the CUK crew’s emptiness of substance is their incompetence. Oh and possibly their racism.

On the vacuousness front, CUK has tried to make a virtue of having no policies – claiming it doesn’t want to rush into policies – even after months of planning. To be fair, CUK’s policy of avoiding elections at all cost was arrived at pretty speedily – even, as it turns out, European elections in spite of their supposed commitment to staying in the EU.

But the sheer inanity of anything that comes out of the mouth of Chuka Umunna and Heidi Allen has looked untouchable – until now.

Former Labour MP and no-confidence vote recipient Joan Ryan gave a speech today that Labour activists literally pinching themselves and asking whether she really ‘went there’ – but she did and the evidence exists to prove it:

That’s right. CUK claims it wants to ‘fix’ politics and change the country – in spite of its commitment to keeping the same old Tory incompetents in power. Until now, it’s answer to questions about what its actual policies are has been, “We’ll have some eventually”.

But now it’s “Look in your hands. The answer is there.”

It looks more each day as though CUK is some kind of ‘Brass Eye’ spoof – a political farce to make The Thick of It look drab and unimaginative by comparison.

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  1. I think we can safely say we all knew these clots would fall on the face, best ignored from now on as they concider which party they’ll flip to once Brexit is done.

    1. Are the Tingers trying to garner the charismatic vote. This will end in tears or something miraculous. I keep getting fleeting images of Mr Potato Head could this be evidence of something supernatural? Best wishes from a side splittingly tinged commentator.

  2. A comedienne could have a field day with this. Sad though when you remember these people profess to be politicians and politics right now is killing poor people.

    1. Racing certainty to be on Have I got news for you. Well, at this point they’ll be grateful for any publicity they can get.

      1. I think you’re on to something Simon – last week’s HIGNFY was pulled because Heidi Allen was a panelist: with Baldrick having resigned the Labour turnip last week, this has all the hallmarks of a cunning plan to get tinge back on the show without anyone noticing.

    2. I nominate Philomena Cunk (Diane Morgan).
      She’d probably be a better MP too.
      Belay that – she’d definitely be better.

    1. I guess that other total charlatan uri geller’ll try to claim responsibility in a currant bun exclusive…

      1. If I were lucky enough to have a super power I’d like to do more than vandalize cutlery. The power of flight, the ability to do the right thing when loan sharks terrify our much loved, disabled, neighbour. Things like that, oh yeah, the intelligence to read War and Peace and to remember who is whom. Regards

  3. I’m just grateful that this dreadful woman and her fellow “funny tingers” are no longer associated with us in any way.
    We can’t do anything about the fact that they lack the integrity to resign the seats they won as labour candidates and some of them still retain membership of Labour groups but come the next election they will all be out on their ears and their constituencies will once more be represented by Labour MPs.

  4. I’ve seen lots of people advertising themselves as ‘powerful motivational speakers’ in my career.
    All tossers, obviously, but none were so deluded as to think making people look at their own hands would inspire them.

  5. Anyone who saw her starring role in the Al Jazeera series “The Lobby” would know that Ryan is not a candidate for MENSA. But maybe with a bow-top wagon, some big gold earrings, a headscarf and a crystal ball, all this stuff about hands would seem perfectly logical.

    1. I KNEW I’d seen her before somewhere – she put a curse on me when I wouldn’t buy any clothes pegs.

  6. The gang of 4 had some gravitas at least, none of the tinge group have any, Ryan is a nonentity who will fade from the memory quicker than a Tory promise, It is amazing they have no ideas, no policies, no direction. they are cuckoos in the nest keeping real Labour members from representing their constituencies

  7. Dear Joan
    Look at my hand, how many fingers am I holding up,
    Perchance have you expelled your racist yet,
    Finally will you consider letting the People Vote in your constituencies

    Melanie Onn giving a great impression of a po-faced Corbyn-hating Tory AS-mongering typist on This Week.
    Ian Austin the usual truculent stunted shitepigeon.
    Neil trying to cover his post-2022 arse with a few nice words for Labour.

  9. I’ve seen some awful tweets from her but today’s effort is truly shocking.

    1. If you want ‘shocking’ – have a look at her footage in ‘The Lobby’. ChangeUK was worth it to get her out of the Party : she’s done enough damage to good members.

    2. Had a look but only see retweets – I think an MP having nothing to say except through the words of others is quite pathetic.

  10. I see Joan has been on Twitter again making her scandalous claims of antisemitism against Jeremy. They’re rattled! They’ve seen the polls and no very well they are toast. Just listened to the disgrace that is Ian Austin on This Week and what a vile individual he really is! No Change, Change UK have suddenly found out that they’ve made a huge political error and they will be punished for it.

  11. Perhaps Joan expected someone to put a cheque for £1M if she opened her hands. All she got was a face palm after realising she’s finished as an MP!

    1. Could have also been checking for any hilarious varieties of tinges. Regards

    1. Steve, that’s an article with such a lack of self awareness that she should clearly be in Change UK. She’s still peddling the ‘I’ve made 200 complaints’ stuff that was completely demolished by Jenny Formby.
      To be fair to her (though she doesn’t really deserve it) I suspect that she genuinely believes what she writes. She’s just wrong though. There are pockets of antisemitism but anyone with an objective view knows it’s not widespread.
      I’m sure she’s called a Zionist by those on the left. But as we know that’s not in itself antisemitic, whatever she may allege.
      But how come she can get a column in Labour List and JVL can’t?

      1. Simon Dewsbury at 8:53 am

        “To be fair to her (though she doesn’t really deserve it) I suspect that she genuinely believes what she writes.”

        Would zealot be a fair description of the belief you describe?

        zealot – a person who is fanatical and uncompromising in pursuit of their religious, political, or other ideals.

    2. I think it is partly an ego thing with her. This is not uncommon with politicians.

      1. There is an alternative historical definition of Zealot
        “a member of an ancient Jewish sect aiming at a world Jewish theocracy and resisting the Romans until AD 70.

      2. Oops Steve, I didn’t know that, I thought it was an ancient Christian sect.
        But Jewish? Aiming for world domination? No doubt Margaret H or whoever reports back to her about what goes on btl on this site will be compiling a complaint about this example of blatant and extreme antisemitism 😨😜

      3. Simon Dewsbury 18/05/2019 at 2:09 pm

        I don’t have any reason to be concerned. I was simply pointing out, for transparency, that there was an alternative definition. I did not link it to any individual. It’s also worth pointing out that if you enter the search-term “zealot” into Google both the above definitions come from the very first listing

      4. Steve, yes, thought that’s what you were doing. And I’ve learned something.

      5. …and I think it’s a sad comment on the times we are in that we’ve ended up having this series of posts.
        In more reasonable circumstances somewhere like Labour List would have had Hodge’s article submitted and she would have been told that her unevidenced and incorrect allegations that the leader of the Party was a racist could not be published by a reputable labour supporting organisation.
        Instead, we live in the sort of ‘Interesting times’ where lifelong anti racists like Jackie Walker and Marc Wadsworth can be expelled – for racism!
        Anyway, I shall go and find out more about the history of the Zealots.

    3. There really should be an enquiry about children’s homes on her watch. There she is swanning about in ermine while citizens from her old borough are still living a daily hell.

      1. I am talking about m’lady Pottymouth of course.

  12. Mock CUK but remember most of CUK MPs were Labour MPs who are only no longer Labour MPs because they chose to leave… plenty more like them still Labour MPs…

    1. Yes Maria, it’s a shame a few more weren’t tempted before the bandwagon came to a juddering halt.

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