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Labour’s bizarre call-centre ‘rewards’ programme show what politically bankrupt looks like

Can you replace passion and vision with ‘4,000 calls to join a Zoom with Starmer or Rayner’?

The bizarre, arid landscape of the centrist Labour party has again been revealed as the party’s leadership desperately try to whip up some activity and make up for its lack of vision and backbone.

Labour has now prepared a ‘Dialogue Rewards’ programme that will supposedly incentivise members either to make calls for the party or to join a call ‘bank’ – but it’s a stretch to call them ‘rewards’ in the normal sense.

‘Incentives’ range from a thank-you text (!) from deputy leader for ‘just’ 250 calls, to invites to Zoom events – though whether you have deputy leader Angela Rayner on the Zoom or Rayner and Keir Starmer depends how many calls you plough through. The ‘top’ prize for a local party ‘bank’ – the ‘gold medal’! – is Rayner attending your CLP meeting, although with the current spate of suspensions of elected officers as Labour continues its war on members’ free speech, it’s far from clear that many CLPs will have anyone to set up or run the meeting in the first place:

Picture the scene: a 55-year-old man, who’s worked since he was 16, gets a phone call from some young adult – who’s reading off a script super fast so s/he can get the call over and done with and can add it to the tally and move one step closer to meeting Keir or Angela. Is that grizzled working-class bloke ever going to respond “well I’ve spent all my life thinking this way politically but that crib sheet you’ve just read out has blown me away. Put me down for Labour from now on“?

One well-placed Labour source told the SKWAWKBOX:

I get the feeling they’re really overvaluing Angela.

The reality of Labour’s lack of direction and appeal was already clear from the party’s unseemly pursuit of wealthy donors to replace the tens of thousands of grassroots donations that Starmer’s lurch to the right and adoption of Stalinism have killed off. But the resort to such ‘incentive’ programmes – and the delusion that they are incentives – broadcasts it in high-definition widescreen.

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47 comments

  1. Oh dear they have clearly missed off all of the calls from members asking why the f**k they’ve been suspended.

    1. On the subject of “barely legal,” I wonder – I’ve never checked my own mobile phone contract but I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that making hundreds or thousands of what are effectively marketing calls – might breach the mobile phone companies’ “fair use” policy on unlimited/free minutes?

      1. Uh-oh – I’ve just learned that “barely legal” has an alternative, entirely different meaning to the above.

  2. I’m sitting here (well, lying) in my pointy steel box – the nearest house is 75 yards away and I can hear the guffaws of disbelief from here.
    Did he phone the 1980’s to get Neil Kinnock’s advice on marketing?
    Can’t even call it pathetic – pathetic would piss itself laughing at whatever the fuck this is.

  3. Soooo, er, we should call this a disincentive BUT what if nobody makes 250 calls and the `top` caller is for just a few calls, do they then get the Top Caller `reward` is to go to a VIP event – and that event is replacing the party leader and deputy leader.

    On a serious note, this scheme is appalling – in fact the party has lost a lot of potential phoners – who did it for `love` ie to do their bit for change to a society for the many not just the few. And that aside, from a purely marketing ploy it is pathetic, the `rewards` and the style/presentation.

    1. Numina1, their is a real possibility that it would put people off phone banking in the first place. The rewards being pathetic.
      Somehow, I don’t think most members see a text or note from Rayners or even a zoom as a reward. What about you make 250 calls and you give me a 25% deduction on levies to the LP for a year ? or you make 500 calls and have 50% reduction on your levies to the LP paid for a year? You make a 1000 calls, 50% deduction from membership levies for the next 3 years? 4000 calls free membership for the next 3 years?
      In the present economic times, financial rewards would be by far more enticing that a thank you note from Rayners.or a call from shadow front bencher of Rayners attending your CLP’s meeting.
      I can see people stopping using dialogue because who on earth would want to claim the prize of making 4000 calls in the present climate?

      1. Marmite should at least let the top caller touch the hem of his garment and be made whole.

      2. Marmite = Starmite – sorry.

        It’s similar to Marmite but NO fucker likes it.

      3. They don’t pay subs and I’ll bet that most of our chosen ones are in bad order!

    2. What does the poor sod who comes second win? Lunch with the swine?

  4. Fuck me, the “D” in “Dialogue” at the top of the – what is it – an online leaflet is it? – pink, bile and sick-coloured thing – that “D” is meant to be a vibrating mobile phone.FFS.
    1970’s ideas in 1980’s graphics with 1950’s colours.
    So kitsch it could be a poster for post-war rationing.

  5. it would be worth being contacted by Angela Rayner if there was a direct feedback facility where you could enter free text. Doubt it though.

  6. This is US style student activity stuff at best and organised harassment at worst.

  7. If it keeps the other dozy bastard occupied in trying to ‘win’ a ‘thank you’ text message or the ‘Jackpot’ of a signed note off stammer (oh yes indeedy!) instead of spamming the site with his usual tripe, then I’m all for it.

    1. It’s so pathetic that one has to stretch to take the piss. Pip Pip.

  8. There is less than zero chance of me doing this for a vast number of reasons …. but what are the callers calling about? Starmer seems quite happy to go along for the last year and the coming 4 years making no commitments to anything (other than kicking people out of the party) so you’re not going to be promoting any ideas.

    “Hi, I’m calling from the Labour Party!”
    “Why?”
    “I haven’t a clue mate. That means I’m on a par with the party leader….”

    I believe he made a speech about something today. Don’t know what about. No media seemed all that bothered to report the dross it contained. Was it to give Johnson another message of support?

  9. Get told to ‘fuck right off’ and/or be verbally abused by 4000 people, and you are then eligible for the ignominy of suffering a zoom call with that pair of rat bastards…

    Think I’d rather have the verbal abuse…🙄

    1. Superb poetry toffee better than a Christmas greeting card…Still laughing and now my wife doubled up laughing as well.ITs getting more monty python every day with the Labour lotto ticket….!all the best for xmass comrades I am off for a break from life as we know it in a island cut off from internet and the modern world….tatty bye!

      1. Have fun, mate, and all the very best to you and yours.

        See you when you get back 👍

  10. This shows the cult of New Labour 2.0 in it’s most vile naked light. Morally bankrupt, conceited and totally tone dead.

    This is what Labour has become? I am glad I have nothing to do with them. I am glad my Labour supporting parents are both gone so they won’t ever see what a mess the organization they believed in has become.

    We desperately need a socialist party to show how morally bankrupt and vapid these clowns really are. With no policies, no direction and certainly no brains in charge judging by this BS!!

  11. What is it about gobshite centrist bliairtes and their sense of entitlement and overinflated hubristic egos?

    I mean, I thought that hag bliar, flogging off her husband’s autographs on eBay was a massive pisstake… But ‘win a zoom call off keith’ knocks that into a cocked hat.

    Un-phookin-believable.

    1. Are you telling me that you are not going to enjoy seeing Ms Selfie in the comfort of your own cell, sorry, home. Xmask greetings Toffee. Wobbly

  12. The first word that springs to mind is emetic.

    I hated Blair and left the UK with my French partner because of him but I never remember being quite so embarrassed as this by anything the party did hitherto, Milllband’s anti-immigrant mugs perhaps excepted.

    One could be forgiven for thinking that Labour had given up on anyone with an iota of common sense and plumped instead for people who are intellectually challenged. This betrays an interesting perspective: one that regards working class people as stupid cannon fodder, a mirror reflection as it were of the Tory attitude to people like you and I.

    Generally I find that stupidity is not defined by genes but is rather a political choice. From Thatcher onwards there has been a deliberate campaign to dumb down working-class education. I have an O level in Latin but went to work in a shipyard aged 16. A generation before, the most useful libraries were maintained by the miners of South Wales. Today in Britain nobody, apart from the super rich, learns Latin and nobody works in a shipyard. Instead, poorly educated people deliver Uber Eats to other poorly educated people working in banks and insurance – and none of them have much command of the English language not to mention foreign languages, nor access to libraries.

    “The worst illiterate is the political illiterate, he doesn’t hear, doesn’t speak, nor participates in the political events. He doesn’t know the cost of life, the price of the bean, of the fish, of the flour, of the rent, of the shoes and of the medicine, all depends on political decisions. The political illiterate is so stupid that he is proud and swells his chest saying that he hates politics. The imbecile doesn’t know that, from his political ignorance is born the prostitute, the abandoned child, and the worst thieves of all, the bad politician, corrupted and flunky of the national and multinational companies.”

    Bertold Brecht

    A fellow activist and I went to meet Michael Meacher MP in 1982 to discuss the Tory attack on welfare benefits and our proposals for a fightback. Michael was a doctor with all the mannerisms of one and he received us very generously in what appeared to be a scout hut in Oldham, immediately after his constituency surgery. He ordered tea for the three of us from a local party volunteer who was in attendance.

    Enid, she was called, appeared shortly afterwards with three cups of tea on a tray. “You’re really very kind Enid,” said Meacher. “No I’m not,” she replied absolutely straight-faced, “I’m only doing it because I’m told to, Mr. Meacher.”

    No sense whatsoever that these two were comrades or would ever have been comfortable referring to each other as such. My deep impression was that Enid was no fan of anyone who wanted to “rock the boat” or push it out too far.

    I learnt an awful lot from that interaction, probably enough to write a book about but suffice it to say that David Evans knows exactly how to appeal to the lowest common denominator and the basest instincts/fear in people (abetted by similar lowlife on the NEC such as Akehurst and Baxter).

    I think, had he been around today, Bert Brecht, for all his better judgement, might have had Evans and Starmer taken outside and put against the wall.

    1. Labreb

      A generation before, the most useful libraries were maintained by the miners of South Wales.

      “Libraries gave us power” (Manic Street Preachers) eh!

      Good Brecht quote, too.

    2. I took a couple of clever clogs up to no1 parliament St to see Michael meacher….In the 90s to discuss night time landings at Gatwick airport.Needless to say our two tory lite Resident Association enjoyed the company of micheal and his knowledge of the airline industry.,but the subsidised drink was much appreciated by the two residents representatives except me being a tea total in them days.I enjoyed the food though,but was puzzled why someone like Michael meacher didnt go further in the Labour party.Obviously from the right background and education,and could be a bit of a charmer and was extremely perceptive….Hes dead now but I was always puzzled having met a number of front benches MPs including Bliar ,but none seemed has impressive as micheal?….was he another upper crust lefty or had he upset the up and coming Blair cult who were the forrunners to the tory tribute band of today…still enjoyed the outing and helped carry one of the over indulgent residents association members to Victoria station..I think the other one staggered off to Soho and oblivion.

    1. What’s annoying is that everyday computers aren’t smart enough yet to remember that a user has selected ‘translate x to y before – and then translate without being asked.

      1. That’s it. I’m knackered. I used to know more code, useless.

  13. 6k calls, and Rayner takes off her wig, and shows you her bald head.
    10k calls, and Starmer promises never to call or visit you.

    1. Different Frank, does Ms Selfie wear a syrup. It’s so luxuriant, so err red and long. It can’t be true. They’ll be altering pictures next.

  14. ..Are they insane or just taking the piss..Thats a reward is it ?zooming with that creep The knight or getting close with that epitaph to plastic surgery and botox injections Rayner….A Reward?….So we have finally got down to what these conceited narrow minded windbags think of their own self worth.So rather than debate on issues at the CLPs they will next be issuing a proclamation for mass bingo rallys and karaoke if it gets really boring.Talk,sing gamble …but don’t mention Corbyn..Politics is not for the little people to discuss,leave it to the grown ups.Them two have just insulted the whole membership and they don’t even realise it…Bazaar and creepy straight from the horses mouth Rayner and starmer the new comedy duo.?Maybe I will wake up and its all just a silly dream,,,I think I will go back to bed!

    1. That’s a bit personal, old boy!

      She’s certainly overvalued, though, the source is right. The poor woman’s WAY out of her depth…

      1. It’s not hairloss, she’s bereft of dignity and honour.

  15. The promotion tells you exactly the sort of Party these people are aiming at. It’s one where people who are elected are powerful and famous. And the ordinary members share in their fame if not their power by slaving for them. Nobody asks their opinions, they should be seen but not heard. Meetings are rallies, worshipping the leaders and receiving instructions. Its like being part of a pyramid scheme and a cult. It should make people happy to be working for the leader. It should make them ecstatic to receive a text message with one of their names on it, or an autograph.
    Starmer’s campaign featured fifty thousand pounds worth of pin ups of himself. That should have told us everything.

    1. Bevin….They are the exalted ones,bow your heads and praise the Lord?knight?..Barronessy…Duke?..Honourable?…Her Royal tallness…Dont we just love it?

  16. Speaking as an ex telecom engineer it would seem this year’s most popular Christmas gift will be a set of wire cutters.

  17. I was told that the best cold callers – the ones who produced the most good leads for the reps on the road – tended to make around 50 calls a day.
    30 a day meant they were gossiping rather than staying on point and 100 a day meant they gave up too easily.
    This seems roughly equivalent to that line of work.
    Would I work five days straight to get a text (number wthheld) from that moose? WIF.

  18. Best not to provide ideas which are likely to be twisted and warped out of all sense and recognition.

    On the basis of this model the “rewards” are more likely to morph into something along the lines of an improved Experian Credit Rating, vouchers to spend with a corporate sponsor, or all the unsaleable copies of Blair’s biography.

  19. Tell you what’d be REALLY ironic…If the contact details of a few select MPs and their secretaries/offices…Or them labour first rodents, with their track record…Were to mysteriously find their way into the hands of certain mischevious people with nowt better to do than to spam them with their own shabbite.

    I mean, I’m sure they’re as desperate to win a phone call (or ten) off me, as I am off them. 👍😉

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