‘Corbyn is coming!’ BBC’s #Budget17 preview – and what it really means

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The BBC’s Daily Politics show on Monday gave a ‘preview’ of what the government has told it will be the key themes in the government’s Budget next month – and it was an object lesson in reading the real meaning of Tory statements.

Here are the points trailed to the BBC by the government – and what they really mean:


1. “This will be a revolutionary Budget”

We’re going to tinker round the edges of the real problems and hope calling it ‘revolutionary’ will stick – just like when we say ‘let me be completely clear’ when we want to avoid something.

2. “Austerity rules on borrowing may be relaxed to aid further investment”

“We’re not going to give anyone more funds – but we might let them go into more debt to temporarily fill some holes. We hope this will make us look less damaging.”

3. “The previously announced house building programme of 25k social homes will likely feature again as this was lost in Tory Conference headlines.”

“We’re not going to offer anything new – we don’t do that kind of thing. We’re going to re-announced something we abandoned in our chaos. And then abandon it again when you’re not looking.”

4. “We will allow Councils to borrow a lot more £ to build new homes.”

“See item 2!”

5. “Younger voters are in for a windfall. We will offer a special lower tax rates for people under a certain age.”

“We’re going to give young people cuts they’ll barely notice under the weight of student loan repayments and impossible housing costs – and we’ll find ways to take it back again with the other hand anyway.”

6. “We will cut pension tax relief to pay for NI cuts for people in 20s and 30s.”

“The dementia tax alienated our pensioner base – but we’re going to go even further and hope the young don’t realise when we put student loan interest up later!”

7. We’ll focus on intergenerational “fairness”.

“We’re going to piss off everyone equally across the whole age spectrum!”

8. “Brexit Secretary David Davies is lobbying Hammond to write off “additional” student debt – incurred since we increased tuition fees in 2012 – at a cost of at least £10bn.”

“We pretended Corbyn promised to write off student debt and then ridiculed it. Now we’re going to promise it ourselves. We might as well – we’ve already announced watered-down versions of all Labour’s other policies. And we’ll break the promise later anyway so it doesn’t really matter.”

9. “Regardless of exact detail we hope this Budget will be a ‘reset’ for the government.”

“We’re hoping against hope that this will somehow fool the public into forgetting we’re con artists!”

Meanwhile, one Tory Minister told the Sunday Times that people are starting to say “Corbyn Is Coming”.

Which translates as: “The only real reason we’re doing all this is we’re scared stiff of Corbyn!

You’re welcome.

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  1. Here comes CORBYN!!

    Too little, too late for the Tories.

    I am not in the business of predictions but I will make a one off exception.

    I can see the Tory vote collapse to circa 8 million votes over the next two General Election cycles.

  2. 2. “To ease austerity rules on borrowing may be relaxed to aid further investment”

    Ease austerity rules on borrowing?! I suppose you’ve GOTTA laugh, eh? The banks wouldn’t borrow the money they were given to bail them out; instead it went on the bankers’ bonuses while they called for more austerity. Interest rates are beginning to rise, and the consensus is they’ll rise further in the near future.

    Yep, they’ll allow you to borrow the money at EXACTLY the time when they can bleed you white…Again.

    Must think we fell to earth with the last rain shower…

  3. 4. “We will allow Councils to borrow a lot more £ to build new homes.”

    “See item 2!”

    What was it (Reported only the other day) about their plans for new council homes? Something like 8 PER COUNCIL?

    Marvellous… :/

    1. The recommended daily allowance of salt for an adult in the UK is 6g per day…

      The bastards are trying to poison us!!

  4. Brilliant summary of past decades in Tory maladministration.

    Another revelation on BBC Panorama programme of how unsafe private hospitals are compared to the NHS, the Tory Flag Ship of privatisation sinks like the Titanic, but will they change course, of course not!


    Just to point out as well….. NHS campaigners have been saying this for decades also, it’s a pity the BBC can now feel that it’s safe to put this into the public domain, as the whole project has been designed to collapse the NHS through deliberate under-funding.

  5. Reblogged this on The Night Owl and commented:
    The Tory Party are well past their sell-by date, and are having a BOGOF sale of anything public property they can lay their hands on – including our NHS. They will then promise us the earth, as long as we don’t expect them to actually fulfill any promises – a lot like they’ve already done before then?

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