Tories: #Labourmanifesto doesn’t go back far enough! #GE17

Theresa May has criticised Labour’s draft manifesto, claiming it harks back to the 1970s. The SKWAWKBOX contacted the Tory party for clarification and a spokesperson commented:

The problem with Labour’s manifesto is that it doesn’t go back far enough. Everyone knows that the Conservative party has achieved 1960s living standards, 1950s grammar schools and 1930s inequality, but we’ve also overseen a return to child poverty not seen since Dickens and since 2010 we created the most stagnant economy since the Napoleonic period. Corbyn’s 1970s plan lacks our grand vision.

We consider Jacob Rees-Mogg a dangerously modernising influence and he’s never knowingly left the 1800s. If Corbyn wants to be taken seriously, he needs to map out a return to feudal times at the very least – and that’s the line we’ve told the BBC to take.

The Tories must really have wanted to hammer their message home, as shortly afterwards this blog received a call from 1807 Tory MP Davies Giddy, who told the SKWAWKBOX,

As I just now told Parliament, however specious in theory the project might be of giving education to the labouring classes of the poor, it would, in effect, be found to be prejudicial to their morals and happiness; it would teach them to despise their lot in life, instead of making them good servants in agriculture and other laborious employments to which their rank in society had destined them; instead of teaching them the virtue of subordination, it would render them factious and refractory, as is evident in the manufacturing counties; it would enable them to read seditious pamphlets, vicious books and publications against Christianity; it would render them insolent to their superiors; and, in a few years, the result would be that the legislature would find it necessary to direct the strong arm of power towards them and to furnish the executive magistrates with more vigorous powers than are now in force. Besides, if this Bill were to pass into law, it would go to burthen the country with a most enormous and incalculable expense, and to load the industrious orders with still heavier imposts.

I’m very much looking forward to assisting Lynton Crosby with the party’s manifesto.

In case the realisation has somehow escaped you, this is satire. Well, partially – the facts about inequality, child poverty, economic stagnation etc are true or only barely exaggerated and couched in a little humour for effect.

The reality of the matter is that Labour’s manifesto under Corbyn is the most ambitious, bold, forward-thinking political vision presented by any party since Labour created the NHS and the ‘cradle to grave’ welfare state.

The Tories are rubbishing it, but in fact it’s they who are the throwbacks who’ve been busy undoing every positive, modernising step that has been achieved by (mostly) Labour governments over the past 70 years.

They cannot be allowed to complete the project – unless you’re a millionaire, voting Tory is to be a turkey voting for Christmas.

Let’s make sure people aren’t fooled.

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