Mass panic as scousers scramble to disavow Nuttall

(As one person thought this was a serious post, please note – in case ‘mass panic on the streets’ isn’t a flag – that this is satire!)

Mass panic was seen on the streets of Merseyside this evening as Scousers scrambled to sign a hastily-arranged petition disavowing newly-elected UKIP leader Paul Nuttall.

Anfield and Goodison Park were filled to capacity as mass rallies were held at short notice, with crowds holding black flags of mourning and hurriedly-modified banners to make their position clear.

At the same time, in St George’s Square a spontaneous chorus of “He’ll always walk alone”, by a crowd that dwarfed even the one that gathered to welcome Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn was heard even on the other side of the River Mersey.

People from as far away as Chester organised sub-petitions, “Just in case” as one worried resident told this blog.

The petition received over 3 million signatures, including every resident of the city region, with some Bootle natives signing twice to make their point clear.

Signatories include Nuttall’s family, with the exception of a single close relative who abstained and asked not to be named.